The Breakup is a book and game to help tweens and teens process the loss of a relationship and to help establish healthy boundaries within relationships. The story is about a boy who is infatuated with his girlfriend, finding identity and purpose through their relationship. She pressured him to leave his friends behind and indulge in her whims. He excused the demands she put on him because he wanted to keep her happy and felt like he could not handle the loss of the relationship. In the end, she cheats on him and then breaks up with him. He is left to pick up the pieces and learn to move on without her.
While dating is a natural part of growing up and experiencing relationships, it can also be a source of pain for many. Nearly 30% of teen dating relationships involve some sort of abuse and breakups are associated with high levels of depression, sometimes resulting in suicide. Teens often need a trusted adult to help them process the pain of their experiences and to learn positive relational skills to set them up for success in the future.
Mental health professionals are often trusted with the deepest secrets and vulnerable aspects of a person's life. This great responsibility should not be taken lightly. We are given the opportunity to steer our clients towards growth, health, and freedom. The beauty of using games and books is that they offer a non-confrontational, back-door approach to discussing topics that kids may otherwise avoid. It also helps them compare and contrast their own experience with another, gaining insight and understanding.
We can help kids build resiliency by equipping them with new skills, helping them modify their self-talk, and encouraging them to build a strong sense of self. They can learn the keys to successful relationships and ways to avoid pitfalls. They can also identify ways to nurture their friendships to continue to have a strong support system while also exploring romantic relationships.
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The game challenges kids to consider the components of healthy relationships and to identify red flags of co-dependent or abusive relationships. It also focuses on conflict resolution skills and how to breakup or show disinterest without being hurtful or disrespectful. The game also addresses physical boundaries and the dangers of sending inappropriate pictures.
Game Card Topics Include:
Self-Care – Break-ups are hard. Self-care is an important part of healing. These cards highlight the importance of self-care and will prompt kids to brainstorm ways to care for their bodies and emotions.
Keep the Peace – Kids will consider the importance of being peaceful and respectful even during seasons of pain. These cards will prompt the players to consider ways to show kindness and respect even if it hurts.
Incompatible – Some people go together like oil and water. These cards help players recognize signs of incompatibility such as conflicting character qualities, communication issues, different interests, and the importance of moving slowly to give time to recognize these differences.
Recipe for Success – While there are many reasons that relationships fall apart, successful relationships are the result of hard work and patience. These cards focus on strengthening communication skills, building trust, and conflict resolution skills.
Boundaries – Appropriate boundaries are necessary to have healthy relationships. These cards help kids consider communicating their physical and emotional boundaries. The will also think through how to respond when boundaries are not being respected. Communicating boundaries can be difficult. Role-playing the conversation ahead of time can help teens feel prepared.
Friendships – Kids often struggle with the balance between nurturing their friendships while in a romantic relationship. These cards will help kids think through how to find a healthy balance and to process feelings of jealousy that may arise.
Identity – A healthy sense of self is vital for healthy relationships. Kids will often find their identity in others, creating vulnerability in the relationship and putting intense strain on their significant other. These cards will prompt kids to consider how to focus on developing their own identity rather than living vicariously through others.
Danger Signs – It is important for kids to recognize the danger signs of abusive relationships and to get out before it is too late. These cards allow for an open discussion of a serious topic that is often ignored.
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Special thanks to Duane Powers who requested this resource to help with his work with teens in Alaska. He reached out due to concerns about the high suicide rate in his area, often due to relationship issues. I am happy to partner with him to provide this book and game to help kids overcome the deep emotional wounds that can accompany a breakup.
I'd also like to thank my daughter, Jaden Milligan, for her hard work in creating the art for this resource. She has helped with many over the years, including Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire, Nightmare Ninja, and Battle in My Brain. Your hard work is a blessing to many!
You can find The Breakup here:
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